“Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but soaking it in brine makes the heart far more delicious.” – Phantom of the Office

To see more Phantom of the Office stuff, check out his phat Tumblr page. Or follow him on Twitter. Or see his videos on CollegeHumor.

Describe your perfect date.
I’m honestly more of a prune man myself, but dates will do in a pinch.

What historical catastrophe, caused by you, are you most proud of?
I might have to say the Johnstown flood. Look it up.

If you were stranded on an island, what book, movie and food would you choose to have with you?
Funny you should say that. I was stranded on an island for some time in the mid-Atlantic. All I had with me was a Bible and thank God, because it truly was a miracle. Using its pages, I was able to start a signal fire that could be seen miles out to sea.

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